The past year has been full of surprises; I wonder what this year will be like? A previously faithful and committed couple, one Mrs. Laura and Mr. Dan, have become sexual libertarians. Mrs. Laura, my loving wife, has a full time lover. Stranger than that, Mr. Dan, good old straight arrow Dan, has made love with three different women in the last month, four if you count what Artsy and I did in bed two days with our friend as making love. Dan watched the second game, did some housework, and had one more vodka tonic. He let his mind clear about his personal life and concentrated on the television spectacle. It worked every time, Dan thought. ESPN and vodka tonic is an elixir without parallel. While Dan was watching football, Laura was cooking dinner for her other man. She had just put the salmon steaks in the oven to bake. Everything would be ready in forty-five minutes. She smiled to herself and then worked the snap on her slacks. Panties followed the slacks to a puddle beneath her. Fucking tourists."Does anyone have any questions?" Nobody said a word. As though they would. Oh, there was some mumbling and some soft laughs, but they were all sheep. I wished I had a fucking AK-47 right then."When you absolutely, positively have to kill every motherfucker in the room..." I said and sat down, pushing my Stewardess Call button. "Accept no substitute."I don't call those people flight attendants either. Especially the guys, those bitches really piss me off. Like the one who was coming to see what I wanted. He had a name tag that said "Toby" on it. Riiiiiight."Yes?" He looked at me."Are you my stewardess?" I asked him, like I was expecting someone else."Nooo ... I'm your flight attendant, ma'am. What can I do for you?" I was just wondering if I could get a deck of cards?" I smiled sweetly and Toby nodded. "And, uh ... How long is this flight?" About 6 hours, non-stop." Okay, so um..." I looked at Jim and Jeff, then back up at Toby. "I'd like four condoms also, please.".
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